Hello, and welcome to the first edition of 'On Warbears Tail'. In this feature, we will explore the latest updates in the Warbears universe, and mercilessly mock them. With us today are Captain Oblivious, Howie, Jude, Covet, MrRobot, and Darthy.
Jude: i'm going to answer the ultimate question, guys
Jude: http://www.jmtb02.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=1470
Howie: hai
Jude: ULTIMATE QUESTION!
Covet: Yep
Captain Oblivious: I'll read it.
Jude: oh i did add him
Captain Oblivious: Now we can do our friday night feature; 'On Warbears Tail'.
Mr Robot 256: Be right back... reading the ultimate question.
Captain Oblivious: I am too.
Howie: i thought it was on ioji's trail
Captain Oblivious: Let's read the ultamite question first.
Captain Oblivious: Howie: Warbears makes more sense than Ioji.
Covet: Ok, ok
Howie: ok
Jude: wow, ioji rofl
Captain Oblivious: Jude: Amazing.
Captain Oblivious: Okay, the gang is here!
Captain Oblivious: Now we can do our friday night feature; 'On Warbears Tail'.
Captain Oblivious: There was lots of Warbears news to pop up in the last week.
Captain Oblivious: Let's begin with Ioji's extremely lacking update, the addition of the violet district.
Howie: I bought one
Jude: how is it?
Captain Oblivious: To experience how dumb an update it is?
Howie: oui
Captain Oblivious: I heard he just changed where the door is.
Jude: rofl
Jude: yea me too
Captain Oblivious: Over one month, and that's all the guy can come up with?
Howie: actually. it is a 90 degree rotation of a blue apartment.
Covet: whhaaa?
Jude: rofl
Jude: nice
Captain Oblivious: Covet: Ioji added new apartments.
Jude: ioji's incredible
Captain Oblivious: The update sucked.
Captain Oblivious: Jude: In bed?
Jude: nope
Covet: good to know all those donations went to the right place
Mr Robot 256: Well, he worked hard on mission 3. Mission he's roughly 10% done with.
Captain Oblivious: I thought he was 90 percent done.
Jude: yea me too
Covet: who knows
Mr Robot 256: Well, that's what he said.
Jude: nobody knows when they're done with flash
Captain Oblivious: Which brings us to the next update; Ioji's "OMG MISSION 3 IS GOING TO
HAPPEN RLY SOON" post.
Covet: lol
Captain Oblivious: Is there any doubt this is going to be a severy step backward for Warbears?
Jude: hmm...
Captain Oblivious: Not that his fanbase won't praise him anyway.
Jude: as long as the update is coming
Captain Oblivious: Er, severy. I are an retarded.
Jude: it will survive
Howie: mission 3 will porbably consist of 20% steve 20% alchohol 20% pizza %20 gun 20%
faggotry
Captain Oblivious: Howie speaks ultamite truth.
Covet: ...
Jude: tasty pizza
Captain Oblivious: Ioji will find some way to involve beer I bet.
Howie: DRUNK BOATING
Covet: lol
Mr Robot 256: Don't forget the 1% of the stupid cafeine addicted commander.
Covet: Drunk Kayaking
Howie: lol
Captain Oblivious: We should see if some beer company is paying Ioji to promote beer in a
children's game.
Covet: lol
Howie: BUD LIGHT
Covet: I'd like him more if he did that
Covet: more like Bud Kids
Captain Oblivious: Or maybe he's going to introduce Warbeer in real life.
Captain Oblivious: Warbeer: It's beer, for kids!
Covet: lol
Howie: WE BRING BEER TO THE ENEMIES OF BEATEN WIVES
Mr Robot 256: Hmm... http://www.4to40.com/images/jokes/sharing_my_beer_with_bear.jpg
Mr Robot 256: They could use this as a commercial.
Covet: wow
Covet: Thats perfect
Howie: oh totally
Captain Oblivious: Saving that.
Jude: rofl
Captain Oblivious: We'll make fun of the dumb name later.
Captain Oblivious: So, what are everyone's predictions for Mission 3?
Jude: let me think
Captain Oblivious: Will Ioji actually include a boss battle?
Jude: hmm...
Covet: I know what it is
Captain Oblivious: Mission 2 was so lacking in a satisfying ending.
Captain Oblivious: I'd laugh if Ioji made ME the boss.
Howie: LOL
Captain Oblivious: "Warbears, destroy Captain Oblivious!"
Howie: That would make it worth it.
Captain Oblivious: I'm sure people will be scrambling to find the hidden scene, depicting Kla and
Steve's passionate love scene on the beach.
Jude: rofl
Covet: lol
Jude: remember
Jude: steve likes girls
Covet: i want passions with a bear on a beach
Captain Oblivious: Jude: Exactly.
Captain Oblivious: Wait, Kla has both parts
Captain Oblivious: My mistake.
Captain Oblivious: Steve WOULD go both ways. He does like caressing his guns an awful lot.
Mr Robot 256: And all this discussion only because ioji messed up the first sprites of Kla when he started creating the game...
Covet: mmm
Covet: hermophraodite
Covet: reminds me of mom
Howie: zing
Captain Oblivious: Covet: Is she your dad too?
Covet: She fertilized herself
Covet: I always wanted a mother
Covet: I had no nipples for licking
Howie: poor covet
Mr Robot 256: Anyway, got to go.
Covet: toodles mr furlong
Captain Oblivious: We'll go on without you.
Captain Oblivious: Haha.
Howie: see you latar
Mr Robot 256: Alright. See ya guys.
Covet: bbbyyyeeee
Jude: see ya
*** Mr Robot 256 has left the conversation.
Howie: SO whats else is new in WB?
Captain Oblivious: Well, Wargirls got deleted.
Howie: ah yes
Captain Oblivious: Poor, poor Wargirls.
Captain Oblivious: Why did Mandy have to pull the trigger?
Howie: I believe she relised how retarded the concept was.
Captain Oblivious: Howie: Well, it only took her four months.
Covet: lol... yeah
Captain Oblivious: And even then, she doesn't realize how sexist it was.
Howie: I like to think by blog post had something to do with it
Jude: hmm...
Captain Oblivious: I hope so.
Captain Oblivious: That'd be epic victory.
Howie: if most girls on there ever read that they’d probably cut themselves
Covet: Yeah
Captain Oblivious: Howie: Nah, we only really make fun of Mandy's post
Howie: true but we signaled there was more to come.
Captain Oblivious: Pre-emptive cutting? They're really out doing themselves
Covet: across the street, not down the road
Covet: err
Covet: other way
Covet: I think
Captain Oblivious: They'd cut themselves regardless
Howie: it is wargirls
Howie: MCR capital of the internet
Captain Oblivious: Wouldn't MCR's site be the MCR capital of the internet?
Captain Oblivious: Warbears is just one of those 'on the GROOOOW' cities in MCRtropolis
Howie: Not even MCR's site has 3 seperate topics about them.
Captain Oblivious: Oh lawd.
Captain Oblivious: Okay, enough about Wargirls.
Captain Oblivious: Now, to the big "OH HELL NAW" news; Warbears had it's wiki page deleted.
Covet: *confetti*
Howie: :D
Captain Oblivious: Warfags are exerpeincing nervous breakdowns now, and some of them want to
attack Wikipedia.
Captain Oblivious: I say we egg them on.
Howie: hehe
Captain Oblivious: Wikipedia is full of jews anyway.
Covet: uhhh... sure?
Captain Oblivious: JEEEEEEWS.
Covet: nigger = jew
Jude: gtg
Jude: cyas
Howie: farewell
*** Jude has left the conversation.
Captain Oblivious: Covet: This is a shocking revelation.
Covet: Yeah
Covet: I always knew the fuckers were in cahoots
Covet: I have proof
Captain Oblivious: Show us this magnificent proof.
Covet: I saw some niggers at the zigarog I set on fire
Covet: Well
Covet: They're all black now
Captain Oblivious: By the way, going to get Darthy in here.
Covet: Cool
Howie: splendid
Captain Oblivious: Jude's space must be filled.
Captain Oblivious: Expandable!
Covet: I was planning a trip to Auswitch. I heard it was a gas
***Darthy has joined the conversation.
Covet: Sometimes i wish i was a nigger
Covet: I want to blame my sucess on someone else
Captain Oblivious: We're not even talking about Warbears anymore, are we?
Howie: meh
Covet: oh right
Covet: War Girls, dumb sluts
Captain Oblivious: I think it's hilarious that Dusty wants to try and attack Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Howie: OH LAWD
Captain Oblivious: What the hell is she even going to do?
Captain Oblivious: She claims she has a team of hackers and everything.
Captain Oblivious: Isn't she 11?
Covet: lulz
Howie: Encyclopedia Dramatica eats 11 year old girls fo' breakfast
Covet: I'd hack a site for her if she posed nude for me
Captain Oblivious: Covet: CP? CP?!
Captain Oblivious: IRL BAN
Covet: lol
Captain Oblivious: No underage cooch for you mister.
Covet: The judge said the same thing
Captain Oblivious: Do your chores first, and then I'll let you hit her up for nudes.
Covet: Fuck the NYPD
Covet: bitches can't stop me
Darthy: NYPD MOTHEFUCKER
Darthy: NOBODY MO-
*Gunshots*
Well. Shit.
Darthy: I think we just killed 'em Jim.
Captain Oblivious: You speak now?
Captain Oblivious: I am amazed out of my seat.
Howie: NOW SIT AND HAVE TEA
Covet: *I'm shaving myself in excitment*
Captain Oblivious: And crumpets.
Captain Oblivious: Are you shaving your SOUUUL?
Covet: what soul
Captain Oblivious: Whoops, my bad.
Howie: is a soul anything like a penis?
Captain Oblivious: Howie: In Covet's case, yes.
Covet: Only that you can stick it in a VCR
Captain Oblivious: Oh snap!
Howie: U ARE WORTHY OF MY LOL
Covet: *someone press record*
Howie: LOL
Captain Oblivious: So anyway.
Captain Oblivious: Anything else in Warbears news?
Howie: uummmm
Covet: ..
Covet: Silence hits the room
Captain Oblivious: Come on, thiiiink.
Covet: I've gone to far
Captain Oblivious: The feds can see what you're doing Covet!
Covet: I know.
Captain Oblivious: You must run away, and become an outlaw.
Covet: I told them to try and stop them.
Captain Oblivious: Buy a horse and a cowboy hat.
Captain Oblivious: But not a cow.
Covet: Fuck the US Government!
Darthy: im watchin' j00
Captain Oblivious: Aaaaah, there's one of them now!
Captain Oblivious: KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Darthy: *Steps back a few paces as an FBI agent kicks through the fourth wall and into his crotch*
Howie: :D
Captain Oblivious: Ooooh.
Captain Oblivious: Covet's down for the count.
Howie: TAP THE A BUTTON
Howie: TAP TAP TAP
Captain Oblivious: FIRE YOUR LAZER
Covet: AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA
Darthy: FAP FAP FAP
Captain Oblivious: WAIT CHARGE IT FIRST
Darthy: FAP TO THE FURRY PORN
Captain Oblivious: CHARGE IIIIT
Darthy: FAP TO;
Darthy: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v482/Pokchu/1178934204536.jpg
Covet: mmmm
Covet: very nice
Darthy: Indeed.
Captain Oblivious: I need to wash my eyes with honey.
Covet: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v482/Pokchu/1178934204536.jpg
Covet: Raped her once
Covet: When I was killing villagers in thailand
Captain Oblivious: We stopped talking about WB a long time ago I think.
Captain Oblivious: Well that's all the time we have for today folks!
Howie: typical convo
Covet: oh well
Captain Oblivious: Ahahaha.
Captain Oblivious: Lawd.
Captain Oblivious: BAH EVERYBODY BAH
Captain Oblivious: ------
Captain Oblivious: And that's a wrap.
Captain Oblivious: So, asian titties?
On Warbears Tail: Lacking update, Warwhores deleted, Wiki article flushed! Also: Covet rapes asians.
Wheelchaired people are the best trolls ever.
To me, Wheelchaired people are a race. They have their own organizations dedicated to standing up for their kind, and accept their disability as a set thing. They roam the streets, pumping their little arms, as they run over the feet of children, cause people to drop all their belongings, and make the Government's life a living hell with their constant bitching about how the world doesn't have enough ramps strung all over the place for them to roll their wheels across.
Yes, Wheelchaired people are assholes. I absolutely loathe when one decides to get on the bus, despite the fact that they're sitting in a chair with wheels. Every time a Wheelchaired person boards the same bus I'm on, I lose five precious minutes of my time that I could have spent masturbating. Or doing work. Work is good too. Of course, people would try to counter back with, Hey, give them a break, their arms are really tired! Maybe they shouldn't have been such huge failures at life, to the point where they can't afford a wheelchair with a motor.
While they are massive assholes, Wheelchaired people have one major redeeming quality; they are some of the best trolls ever. Just think about it. They could roll their wheelchairs down the middle of 5th avenue, and no one would say anything to them, all because they're handicapped. Once someone shatters your legs, you're pretty much given a license to get away with whatever you want. Feel the desire to knock a little kid into traffic? With a wheelchair, you can do it and face no consequences. Want to assassinate George Lucas? No one would ever suspect the Stephen Hawking look alike was carrying a .44.
Unfortunately for the Wheelchaired people, the Government has been in the know about their dastardly plans since the first American got his legs flattened by a steam roller. So, to counter their mischief and trickery, the Government has been attempting to make the completely world uninhabitable to people with wheels. Take this subway map for example:
It's clear the government wants handicapped people gone, what with only making a quarter of these subway stops accessible to them. They're attempting to quell the rage of our seated friends, as they spray graffiti on the sides of walls, and etch penises into the windows of trains.The government fat cats would love nothing more than to silence them, making it painfully obvious what must be done; make the world entirely wheelchair accessible. If enough people wrote in and showed concern for these guys, the world would be their oyster to innocently torment.
Once we give the Wheelchaired, as well as the wide array of handicapped people, all the access they could ever want, the people will cringe, and grovel in fear, wondering why they ever decided to help thoust with metal circles for feet. So write into the Government, further anger them, and convince them to give the Wheelchaired total leeway into terrorizing our planet. Because there can never be enough cripple orgies in the middle of train tracks.
LE TOUR DU WARGIRLS, Episode I: An Introduction to Madness.
Well; when War Girls was first made, like many male members I was all like "wtf?" Despite the fact it was sexist, Ioji went through with it and gave girls their own place to talk about girl things; vaginas I assume. I looked in there maybe once to see if anything of interest was going on. There wasn't. So now that I'm leaving WB to rot in its own feces, I thought might as well take a look at one of the first signs of doom that WB was batshit insane. And oh god that place is fucked up. So, for your viewing pleasure (and lulz), I'd like to introduce: This new feature, in which we will analyze just how fucked up the Girls Only Forum (or Wargirls) is.
First thing of notice is the fact that there is next to no activity there. There are only 35 or so topics (2 of which are stickies and 5 of which are locked.) If you're going to single-handedly alienate an entire gender, at least have a reason to back it up.
WG's failure was imminent from the very first post:
Let's break this down.The same forum rules apply here with the addition of
YOU R ALOWED TO ACT RETARDED!!11NO BOYS ALLOWED! This is a male-based forum and it's difficult for us girls to find things to post about.
Oh nevermind. What's this bullshit about nothing to post about? What makes you think an all girl forum will produce anything interesting? For Gods sake, get some real friends; this is a flash game forum, not a forum about being a girl.
Here, the female members wont have anything to worry about.
Lolwut?
Be warned girls,
I WILL EAT YOU IF YOU POST ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE FORUM!!1No boys allowed to post!
NO WAI
WARNING: Posts from male members will be deleted and you will get a warning.
Warning about warnings? It's like if you were to read a billboard that says, 'Look out, there's a stop sign ahead!' But since you wasted time reading that you've already plowed through a kid on a bike. Oh well.
3 warnings and you will be banned.
In case you thought WG =/= SRS BSNS!
You can see the whole topic here: http://www.warbears.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=575
Notice how any male member showing disapproval gets slapped with a warning while every 10 year old loli tweentard is welcomed as one of their own.
More as it comes.