LOLLOL AIDS
We're not going to do the blog thing anymore, since that was lame and boring, and I didn't like the idea of forcing people to work on the front page without pay (apparently, neither did they). So, the community is going to just be a forum now.
LINK, NIGRAS
Whacky Warbears: The Extent of Ioji's Drinking Problem
If you wander around Bedtime City on a typical day, and ask one of its wide-crotched citizens what their favourite hang-out spot is, they’ll most likely answer you ‘the bar lol’. If you’ve ever played the second Warbears mission, you’d notice Steve happily guzzling down a Warbeer at the end, the cold, fictional drink sending him into a state of drunkenness and inaudibility. It’s clear that Ioji has no problem with marketing beer to children, through internet communities nonetheless.
But why does Ioji show such an eagerness to turn kids on to alcohol? We investigated this pressing matter, using our crack team of internet detectives.
There’s two possible reasons that Ioji would violate our children's minds, as well as their anal cavities.
1) Ioji is a raging drunk himself, and spends most of his time sampling different kinds of beer, masturbating to the image of two Rottweilers getting it on in a drunken haze. Ioji is attempting to breed a generation of brain-dead, beer hat sporting alcoholics to make himself feel better about his crippling addiction. This would also explain why it takes so long for a Warbears mission to come out.
2) Ioji has a line of children’s beer he’s getting ready to sell through his online shop, like those candy cigarettes kids buy to turn them on to smoking. I personally wouldn’t put it past Ioji, since he’d be willing to do anything to move out of his parents’ basement. It would basically be root beer, but with ‘war’ replacing ‘root’.
Now, if the children on Warbears are anything like I was as a child, their parents have no idea what they're doing online. I’m willing to suspect that the parents of these twelve year olds have no idea that their kids are stealing imaginary beers from behind an abandoned bar counter on the internet. I can just imagine these kids lying behind the bleachers on the football field five years from now, chugging another bottle of whiskey, trying to repress childhood memories of a certain polar bear touching them in their special place.
Thanks to Ioji, the murder rate related to drunk driving accidents will most likely skyrocket within ten years, which may also lead some to believe that he hates America. So, in order to put a stop to this mindless, inevitable violence, I’ve decided to call Mothers Against Drunk Driving, in an attempt to turn this into a national epidemic. Because Ioji must be stopped at all costs, lest he tear apart the fabric of his society with his giant, giggling beer gut. Tune in next week where we follow up with reactions from Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and the impending drama and lulz that are sure to follow!
AU REVOIR LTDW
So, I leave for one day and everything goes to shit. Our forum gets removed, the blog is devoid of posts, and I've lost all contact with Ben. Whatever, let's get to the point. This will be my last message, because my unban agreement requires me to quit WFU. So here is the final installment of LTDW. I'll try to cover all the bases that I had planned to write about.
First of all a critical thing I forgot to include in the mcr speech, was the fact that the infamous ssttor [ http://youtube.com/watch?v=St0XX8bMcjw ] received news about MCR through an MSN notifier (BTW Notifier = Stalker.) I can just picture a USB cord injected into her vein, giving her life support through to-the-minute updates on Mikey Way's dentist appointment. It's also worth pointing out that since WG's deletion, topics in the music section have been revamped with a fresh layer of "I Hart EM CEE ARR."
There's some other things I've wanted to discuss; like the cruelly ironic amount of topics about Boys. "HAY GRRLS WE GOT OUR OWN FORUM. LETS TALK ABOUT BOYS!!1" I mean please, grow up. This isnt a secret club for your immature gossip. It's a forum; meant to produce good conversation. Some people in WB may never understand that. The rest of what I wanted to talk about was either coolsweets lulzery, or other tidbits of stupidity lost in WG's dissapearance.
So with great dignity I would like to announce:
LE TOUR DU WARGIRLS EST OVER
And guys, If you can write some really funny stuff, get more members, rebuild the forum and expand the focus beyond an ioji hate site.; there might be something worthwhile here.
-Howie
Google did WTC
As I have been quite busy with my personal life, I wasn't able to find the time to write an article for you all this week. So, in my place, here is some hilarious footage of a 60 year old man blowing up on a bunch of 9/11 conspiracy theorists, as they protest outside of City Hall. Videos are behind the cut.
Google did WTC 1
Google did WTC 2
Herza's 'Tuesday Tyranny' Episode 1: God, are you there?
I'll start this entry with a word of warning: Don't expect anything great, this entry is the result of 10 seconds of brainstorming. Also, it will be short. Pretty fucking short. You see me typing random crap to make it look longer? Yeah, it's gonna be that short. Anyhoo, let's get on with the damn entry.
Today, I had religion class. Yes, Christian religion. Protestantic Christian religion. "But Mister Herzapplikator", you might ask, "Why would you go to their classes?" Well, for one, it's more fun than the other subjects. It basically gives you two hours of singing, fun, and sleep every week. Other than that, it gives you an inside view. You learn about their beliefs, their festivities (Like the infamous "Look, Jesus died!" or the "OMG, Zombie Jesus returned" day, just 3 days after that. Some of those fags even travel 3 digit amounts of miles on said days, only to get themselves crucified for 5 minutes).
Fun Fact: Hundreds of murderers died on the cross, so it would get them closer to THEM, not Jesus.
Fun Fag: Ioji
Also, our teacher is damn sexy. I mean, he's male, but his grin and his hair, his soft voice....
Our topic was "Time". The thing Christianity revolves around. He wanted us to get together in groups of four, choose jobs, and write about their working time. After half a minute of thinking, I chose a pastor. Five days of doing whatever you want, one evening of preparation, one hour of work. Probably the best job ever. Needless to say, the teacher wasn't quite as amazed as I was. He's a pastor himself, in some small village nearby. His world was shattered, as he said "You have a completely wrong picture there." I was about to rant about his religion, but I managed to stop, ending the conversation with a simple "We didn't even draw a fucking picture!".
Now, you may wonder why I told you about that stuff, and the answer is simple: It's Tuesday, and there was nothing to write about.
LTDW Part II
Like the continent of Atlantis, the Girls Only Forum has sunk into the massive shithole that is Warbears.com. Without their useless piece of internet real estate, many Wargirls will likely starve to death, due to lack of masturbating themselves to Mandy praise; and utterly shallow conversations. Even though it is in the past; it is my duty to unearth the ancient artifacts, of their once thriving civilization of lolz. And so; LE TOUR DU WARGIRLS lives on!
As we know; Mandy conceived WarGirls, to protect innocent 10 year old girls from the harsh, cold clutches of reality. It is in such an environment that the WarGirls operated; that idiosyncratically created an abominable cluster of morons, incapable of self-thought. But; their cluelessness and inability to discern that someone may be aware of their acts, led myself to discover a treasure trove of lulz that lay at the foundation of their retarded group orgy. Had their forum not been deleted; it would have been the perfect opportunity to dissect each and every one of their blissfully unaware babblings. Alas; life is tough for a Warfag, and I can only interpret what once was WarGirls.
Of course; the most epic of epic traits of the typical WarGirl; is her blind allegiance to My Chemical Romance (or MCR, because words over five letters are far to complex to repeatedly chant for the average WG) despite the fact that they are the worst product of the music industry since, well, let's just leave it at “they're crap.” In fact as illustrated here:
They obviously can't get enough of MCR's uninspired, emo, chart-topping hits. As stated above there was not one, but TWO lengthy topics about MCR; AND a “Girls Rock – Music” forum that no doubt contained many-a-MCR-crooning; despite the existance of a somewhat unbiased topic in the music section. Apparently Wargirls do not like to be subject to diverse opinions.
But, any of the disturbed locals could assure you; the topics are monumentally different, i.e. One has a poll. The exact poll is something like “Who is the fittest guy in MCR” which is sad considering they are all unhealthily frail(starving yourself much?). So, their reasoning for such excessive MCR banter, is that one topic is talking about their music; and another is talking about the band itself, or some sort of illogical Bullshit.
Even considering their enthusiasm, they barely managed to discuss anything. Both topics dragged on, with one member saying they like MCR and all the other members quoting and agreeing with them, even if the had already confirmed that they were fans. This would continue until another hapless girl walked into their trap, and it restarted; like some sort of recurring nightmare. In fact the entire forum embodied this structure; as if they were so mentally challenged they were only able to garner the most basic of functions. A god damn single-celled organism has more character depth then the cookie-cutter failures of WG.
Well, thanks for reading once again. Be prepared for more rantings, as I detail the obscure ruins of WG in; LE TOUR DE WARGIRLS!
Suicide and Other Comforts
This a personal narrative by the local resident of Ithaca, the one and only Covet. So listen up all you fucks, its been a wild ass ride.
So, last week, I started my day like I always do. I drank some rum when I rolled out of bed at 3 p.m.. I couldn't remember what happened the night prior, which leads me to believe it involved me missing work, again. I told those bitches at Tops I could only work night shifts. Anyways, I pushed this whore off me and went to the bathroom. I felt like I pissed my brains out. What didn't get in the bowl sprayed all over the seat and on the walls and in the rubbish bin.
I then went and fixed myself a drink of rum with some orange juice and proceeded to watch goat porn. The whore on the bed rolled around for a while, got up and left. Fuck her anyways, she'll be back later. They always come back. Well, after I watched some goat porn, and finished my drink, I got dressed and left. I had things to do.
I got into my car, a banana yellow Yugo GV, and drove across town to a place I go when I need pills. I walked up to the house, knocked politely and Harold answered. Thats Ricks base slave from way back. He does a great job of shining the niggers shoes and cleaning around the toilet bowl. I knew I had to get me one of them. So Rick gave me the usual, a few pellets of Mescaline, a bag of Screamers and a Visine bottle of acid.
I took the Mescaline straight away, payed the man and left. Back on the road, in the car, I drove down route 13, and then the drugs began to take hold of me. At first it just edged around the sides, something like a bag being dragged over your head, but then it became something more defined. I looked out my rear view mirror to see that I was being chased by lions. An entire pride of lions had escaped the zoo and were now chasing me down the highway. I of course sped up, but I knew the car could never escape the oncoming rush. Soon they were all around, biting and snipping at me, and one of them was riding with me. But he was ok, and he just chilled out and listened to Zombie Nation with me. He told me a lot about god and life and cats, and I very impressed with his knowledge.
After I got to my friends house around 6:30 p.m., we drank some more and we tore up his metaphysics thesis to use as blotter paper for the acid. After three hits, we laid on the floor and enjoyed the trip. Giant spiders lifted the roof off the ceiling and cocooned us in latex. Then we watched TV and drank vodka and then the TV became an eyeball. It just stared at us.
Later when when we recovered around 10 p.m. we went to the Second Floor on the commons. I ordered a Bloody Smurf and they didn't know what that was. After an hour when we were good and drunk, we went down the road to another bar. This one was packed and had a lot of people. I got some decent x and had them with a shot of gin. At some point I went outside and vomited on the side walk.
Later, around midnight, me and Joe went to the Haunt where we drank some more until 2 a.m., when they closed. We went with some stupid Cornel girls to their Sorority house where they had some Desoxyn, and we took a couple of tablets and had some group sex. After we fucked those bitches, drank all their beer and took all their drugs, we pissed on them while they slept. We then got into a cab and left. I just remembered at this point I had no idea where my car was.
We had the cabbie let us off at Forest Road around sunrise, where we found an anti-war poster comparing the deaths of Iraqi Citizens to Va Tech Students. It asked us if we could feel the pain of the Iraqi's, and I wrote on it, "No, Cause Sand Niggers Don't have feelings"
Well, we dropped more acid and started walking home. Thats when we noticed the stop sign was chasing us. We were so scared, but our legs felt weak. We knew the damn thing was after us. We just couldn't see it. So for 62 miles in enemy gook terrain, a Stop Sign followed us, whispering death in our ears. Some time later we got back to my place where me and Steve made out and fell on the floor. We couldn't sleep, so we did more drugs. My car was outside, but there was old people in it so we left it alone.
Around 8 a.m., we went and got pizza from a local shop. Despite the fact that I smelt urine, I ate the pie anyways and it was good. We then went down the road to Chandices house, and she gave us head and some beer. It was really good. Around noon we went to see a movie, but there was a Queen Alexandra Birdwing in the way. By now we were low on drugs and moved on wards. Breaking into a car we were able to steal a CD player and some loose cash. Its so great that no one locks their doors around here. We took this back to Ricks, and he exchanged it for more pills.
We ate our galaxy breakfast, had the base slave slob our nobs and then we went back out. By 5 p.m., we were back at the bars and by this point I lost track of things and couldn't concentrate. However, a green frog told me something really important that I can't remember and then I woke up.
I was in a jail cell naked and the officer on duty told me later I was running down the road screaming. I guess I shouldn't have taken those last screamers. Anyways, he gave me a smock and threw me out, and I stumbled towards the bus station where I got on and went home.
I took some GHB and went to sleep.
On Warbears Tail: Lacking update, Warwhores deleted, Wiki article flushed! Also: Covet rapes asians.
Hello, and welcome to the first edition of 'On Warbears Tail'. In this feature, we will explore the latest updates in the Warbears universe, and mercilessly mock them. With us today are Captain Oblivious, Howie, Jude, Covet, MrRobot, and Darthy.
Jude: i'm going to answer the ultimate question, guys
Jude: http://www.jmtb02.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=1470
Howie: hai
Jude: ULTIMATE QUESTION!
Covet: Yep
Captain Oblivious: I'll read it.
Jude: oh i did add him
Captain Oblivious: Now we can do our friday night feature; 'On Warbears Tail'.
Mr Robot 256: Be right back... reading the ultimate question.
Captain Oblivious: I am too.
Howie: i thought it was on ioji's trail
Captain Oblivious: Let's read the ultamite question first.
Captain Oblivious: Howie: Warbears makes more sense than Ioji.
Covet: Ok, ok
Howie: ok
Jude: wow, ioji rofl
Captain Oblivious: Jude: Amazing.
Captain Oblivious: Okay, the gang is here!
Captain Oblivious: Now we can do our friday night feature; 'On Warbears Tail'.
Captain Oblivious: There was lots of Warbears news to pop up in the last week.
Captain Oblivious: Let's begin with Ioji's extremely lacking update, the addition of the violet district.
Howie: I bought one
Jude: how is it?
Captain Oblivious: To experience how dumb an update it is?
Howie: oui
Captain Oblivious: I heard he just changed where the door is.
Jude: rofl
Jude: yea me too
Captain Oblivious: Over one month, and that's all the guy can come up with?
Howie: actually. it is a 90 degree rotation of a blue apartment.
Covet: whhaaa?
Jude: rofl
Jude: nice
Captain Oblivious: Covet: Ioji added new apartments.
Jude: ioji's incredible
Captain Oblivious: The update sucked.
Captain Oblivious: Jude: In bed?
Jude: nope
Covet: good to know all those donations went to the right place
Mr Robot 256: Well, he worked hard on mission 3. Mission he's roughly 10% done with.
Captain Oblivious: I thought he was 90 percent done.
Jude: yea me too
Covet: who knows
Mr Robot 256: Well, that's what he said.
Jude: nobody knows when they're done with flash
Captain Oblivious: Which brings us to the next update; Ioji's "OMG MISSION 3 IS GOING TO
HAPPEN RLY SOON" post.
Covet: lol
Captain Oblivious: Is there any doubt this is going to be a severy step backward for Warbears?
Jude: hmm...
Captain Oblivious: Not that his fanbase won't praise him anyway.
Jude: as long as the update is coming
Captain Oblivious: Er, severy. I are an retarded.
Jude: it will survive
Howie: mission 3 will porbably consist of 20% steve 20% alchohol 20% pizza %20 gun 20%
faggotry
Captain Oblivious: Howie speaks ultamite truth.
Covet: ...
Jude: tasty pizza
Captain Oblivious: Ioji will find some way to involve beer I bet.
Howie: DRUNK BOATING
Covet: lol
Mr Robot 256: Don't forget the 1% of the stupid cafeine addicted commander.
Covet: Drunk Kayaking
Howie: lol
Captain Oblivious: We should see if some beer company is paying Ioji to promote beer in a
children's game.
Covet: lol
Howie: BUD LIGHT
Covet: I'd like him more if he did that
Covet: more like Bud Kids
Captain Oblivious: Or maybe he's going to introduce Warbeer in real life.
Captain Oblivious: Warbeer: It's beer, for kids!
Covet: lol
Howie: WE BRING BEER TO THE ENEMIES OF BEATEN WIVES
Mr Robot 256: Hmm... http://www.4to40.com/images/jokes/sharing_my_beer_with_bear.jpg
Mr Robot 256: They could use this as a commercial.
Covet: wow
Covet: Thats perfect
Howie: oh totally
Captain Oblivious: Saving that.
Jude: rofl
Captain Oblivious: We'll make fun of the dumb name later.
Captain Oblivious: So, what are everyone's predictions for Mission 3?
Jude: let me think
Captain Oblivious: Will Ioji actually include a boss battle?
Jude: hmm...
Covet: I know what it is
Captain Oblivious: Mission 2 was so lacking in a satisfying ending.
Captain Oblivious: I'd laugh if Ioji made ME the boss.
Howie: LOL
Captain Oblivious: "Warbears, destroy Captain Oblivious!"
Howie: That would make it worth it.
Captain Oblivious: I'm sure people will be scrambling to find the hidden scene, depicting Kla and
Steve's passionate love scene on the beach.
Jude: rofl
Covet: lol
Jude: remember
Jude: steve likes girls
Covet: i want passions with a bear on a beach
Captain Oblivious: Jude: Exactly.
Captain Oblivious: Wait, Kla has both parts
Captain Oblivious: My mistake.
Captain Oblivious: Steve WOULD go both ways. He does like caressing his guns an awful lot.
Mr Robot 256: And all this discussion only because ioji messed up the first sprites of Kla when he started creating the game...
Covet: mmm
Covet: hermophraodite
Covet: reminds me of mom
Howie: zing
Captain Oblivious: Covet: Is she your dad too?
Covet: She fertilized herself
Covet: I always wanted a mother
Covet: I had no nipples for licking
Howie: poor covet
Mr Robot 256: Anyway, got to go.
Covet: toodles mr furlong
Captain Oblivious: We'll go on without you.
Captain Oblivious: Haha.
Howie: see you latar
Mr Robot 256: Alright. See ya guys.
Covet: bbbyyyeeee
Jude: see ya
*** Mr Robot 256 has left the conversation.
Howie: SO whats else is new in WB?
Captain Oblivious: Well, Wargirls got deleted.
Howie: ah yes
Captain Oblivious: Poor, poor Wargirls.
Captain Oblivious: Why did Mandy have to pull the trigger?
Howie: I believe she relised how retarded the concept was.
Captain Oblivious: Howie: Well, it only took her four months.
Covet: lol... yeah
Captain Oblivious: And even then, she doesn't realize how sexist it was.
Howie: I like to think by blog post had something to do with it
Jude: hmm...
Captain Oblivious: I hope so.
Captain Oblivious: That'd be epic victory.
Howie: if most girls on there ever read that they’d probably cut themselves
Covet: Yeah
Captain Oblivious: Howie: Nah, we only really make fun of Mandy's post
Howie: true but we signaled there was more to come.
Captain Oblivious: Pre-emptive cutting? They're really out doing themselves
Covet: across the street, not down the road
Covet: err
Covet: other way
Covet: I think
Captain Oblivious: They'd cut themselves regardless
Howie: it is wargirls
Howie: MCR capital of the internet
Captain Oblivious: Wouldn't MCR's site be the MCR capital of the internet?
Captain Oblivious: Warbears is just one of those 'on the GROOOOW' cities in MCRtropolis
Howie: Not even MCR's site has 3 seperate topics about them.
Captain Oblivious: Oh lawd.
Captain Oblivious: Okay, enough about Wargirls.
Captain Oblivious: Now, to the big "OH HELL NAW" news; Warbears had it's wiki page deleted.
Covet: *confetti*
Howie: :D
Captain Oblivious: Warfags are exerpeincing nervous breakdowns now, and some of them want to
attack Wikipedia.
Captain Oblivious: I say we egg them on.
Howie: hehe
Captain Oblivious: Wikipedia is full of jews anyway.
Covet: uhhh... sure?
Captain Oblivious: JEEEEEEWS.
Covet: nigger = jew
Jude: gtg
Jude: cyas
Howie: farewell
*** Jude has left the conversation.
Captain Oblivious: Covet: This is a shocking revelation.
Covet: Yeah
Covet: I always knew the fuckers were in cahoots
Covet: I have proof
Captain Oblivious: Show us this magnificent proof.
Covet: I saw some niggers at the zigarog I set on fire
Covet: Well
Covet: They're all black now
Captain Oblivious: By the way, going to get Darthy in here.
Covet: Cool
Howie: splendid
Captain Oblivious: Jude's space must be filled.
Captain Oblivious: Expandable!
Covet: I was planning a trip to Auswitch. I heard it was a gas
***Darthy has joined the conversation.
Covet: Sometimes i wish i was a nigger
Covet: I want to blame my sucess on someone else
Captain Oblivious: We're not even talking about Warbears anymore, are we?
Howie: meh
Covet: oh right
Covet: War Girls, dumb sluts
Captain Oblivious: I think it's hilarious that Dusty wants to try and attack Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Howie: OH LAWD
Captain Oblivious: What the hell is she even going to do?
Captain Oblivious: She claims she has a team of hackers and everything.
Captain Oblivious: Isn't she 11?
Covet: lulz
Howie: Encyclopedia Dramatica eats 11 year old girls fo' breakfast
Covet: I'd hack a site for her if she posed nude for me
Captain Oblivious: Covet: CP? CP?!
Captain Oblivious: IRL BAN
Covet: lol
Captain Oblivious: No underage cooch for you mister.
Covet: The judge said the same thing
Captain Oblivious: Do your chores first, and then I'll let you hit her up for nudes.
Covet: Fuck the NYPD
Covet: bitches can't stop me
Darthy: NYPD MOTHEFUCKER
Darthy: NOBODY MO-
*Gunshots*
Well. Shit.
Darthy: I think we just killed 'em Jim.
Captain Oblivious: You speak now?
Captain Oblivious: I am amazed out of my seat.
Howie: NOW SIT AND HAVE TEA
Covet: *I'm shaving myself in excitment*
Captain Oblivious: And crumpets.
Captain Oblivious: Are you shaving your SOUUUL?
Covet: what soul
Captain Oblivious: Whoops, my bad.
Howie: is a soul anything like a penis?
Captain Oblivious: Howie: In Covet's case, yes.
Covet: Only that you can stick it in a VCR
Captain Oblivious: Oh snap!
Howie: U ARE WORTHY OF MY LOL
Covet: *someone press record*
Howie: LOL
Captain Oblivious: So anyway.
Captain Oblivious: Anything else in Warbears news?
Howie: uummmm
Covet: ..
Covet: Silence hits the room
Captain Oblivious: Come on, thiiiink.
Covet: I've gone to far
Captain Oblivious: The feds can see what you're doing Covet!
Covet: I know.
Captain Oblivious: You must run away, and become an outlaw.
Covet: I told them to try and stop them.
Captain Oblivious: Buy a horse and a cowboy hat.
Captain Oblivious: But not a cow.
Covet: Fuck the US Government!
Darthy: im watchin' j00
Captain Oblivious: Aaaaah, there's one of them now!
Captain Oblivious: KILL IT, KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Darthy: *Steps back a few paces as an FBI agent kicks through the fourth wall and into his crotch*
Howie: :D
Captain Oblivious: Ooooh.
Captain Oblivious: Covet's down for the count.
Howie: TAP THE A BUTTON
Howie: TAP TAP TAP
Captain Oblivious: FIRE YOUR LAZER
Covet: AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA
Darthy: FAP FAP FAP
Captain Oblivious: WAIT CHARGE IT FIRST
Darthy: FAP TO THE FURRY PORN
Captain Oblivious: CHARGE IIIIT
Darthy: FAP TO;
Darthy: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v482/Pokchu/1178934204536.jpg
Covet: mmmm
Covet: very nice
Darthy: Indeed.
Captain Oblivious: I need to wash my eyes with honey.
Covet: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v482/Pokchu/1178934204536.jpg
Covet: Raped her once
Covet: When I was killing villagers in thailand
Captain Oblivious: We stopped talking about WB a long time ago I think.
Captain Oblivious: Well that's all the time we have for today folks!
Howie: typical convo
Covet: oh well
Captain Oblivious: Ahahaha.
Captain Oblivious: Lawd.
Captain Oblivious: BAH EVERYBODY BAH
Captain Oblivious: ------
Captain Oblivious: And that's a wrap.
Captain Oblivious: So, asian titties?
Wheelchaired people are the best trolls ever.
To me, Wheelchaired people are a race. They have their own organizations dedicated to standing up for their kind, and accept their disability as a set thing. They roam the streets, pumping their little arms, as they run over the feet of children, cause people to drop all their belongings, and make the Government's life a living hell with their constant bitching about how the world doesn't have enough ramps strung all over the place for them to roll their wheels across.
Yes, Wheelchaired people are assholes. I absolutely loathe when one decides to get on the bus, despite the fact that they're sitting in a chair with wheels. Every time a Wheelchaired person boards the same bus I'm on, I lose five precious minutes of my time that I could have spent masturbating. Or doing work. Work is good too. Of course, people would try to counter back with, Hey, give them a break, their arms are really tired! Maybe they shouldn't have been such huge failures at life, to the point where they can't afford a wheelchair with a motor.
While they are massive assholes, Wheelchaired people have one major redeeming quality; they are some of the best trolls ever. Just think about it. They could roll their wheelchairs down the middle of 5th avenue, and no one would say anything to them, all because they're handicapped. Once someone shatters your legs, you're pretty much given a license to get away with whatever you want. Feel the desire to knock a little kid into traffic? With a wheelchair, you can do it and face no consequences. Want to assassinate George Lucas? No one would ever suspect the Stephen Hawking look alike was carrying a .44.
Unfortunately for the Wheelchaired people, the Government has been in the know about their dastardly plans since the first American got his legs flattened by a steam roller. So, to counter their mischief and trickery, the Government has been attempting to make the completely world uninhabitable to people with wheels. Take this subway map for example:
It's clear the government wants handicapped people gone, what with only making a quarter of these subway stops accessible to them. They're attempting to quell the rage of our seated friends, as they spray graffiti on the sides of walls, and etch penises into the windows of trains.The government fat cats would love nothing more than to silence them, making it painfully obvious what must be done; make the world entirely wheelchair accessible. If enough people wrote in and showed concern for these guys, the world would be their oyster to innocently torment.
Once we give the Wheelchaired, as well as the wide array of handicapped people, all the access they could ever want, the people will cringe, and grovel in fear, wondering why they ever decided to help thoust with metal circles for feet. So write into the Government, further anger them, and convince them to give the Wheelchaired total leeway into terrorizing our planet. Because there can never be enough cripple orgies in the middle of train tracks.
LE TOUR DU WARGIRLS, Episode I: An Introduction to Madness.
Well; when War Girls was first made, like many male members I was all like "wtf?" Despite the fact it was sexist, Ioji went through with it and gave girls their own place to talk about girl things; vaginas I assume. I looked in there maybe once to see if anything of interest was going on. There wasn't. So now that I'm leaving WB to rot in its own feces, I thought might as well take a look at one of the first signs of doom that WB was batshit insane. And oh god that place is fucked up. So, for your viewing pleasure (and lulz), I'd like to introduce: This new feature, in which we will analyze just how fucked up the Girls Only Forum (or Wargirls) is.
First thing of notice is the fact that there is next to no activity there. There are only 35 or so topics (2 of which are stickies and 5 of which are locked.) If you're going to single-handedly alienate an entire gender, at least have a reason to back it up.
WG's failure was imminent from the very first post:
Let's break this down.The same forum rules apply here with the addition of
YOU R ALOWED TO ACT RETARDED!!11NO BOYS ALLOWED! This is a male-based forum and it's difficult for us girls to find things to post about.
Oh nevermind. What's this bullshit about nothing to post about? What makes you think an all girl forum will produce anything interesting? For Gods sake, get some real friends; this is a flash game forum, not a forum about being a girl.
Here, the female members wont have anything to worry about.
Lolwut?
Be warned girls,
I WILL EAT YOU IF YOU POST ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE FORUM!!1No boys allowed to post!
NO WAI
WARNING: Posts from male members will be deleted and you will get a warning.
Warning about warnings? It's like if you were to read a billboard that says, 'Look out, there's a stop sign ahead!' But since you wasted time reading that you've already plowed through a kid on a bike. Oh well.
3 warnings and you will be banned.
In case you thought WG =/= SRS BSNS!
You can see the whole topic here: http://www.warbears.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=575
Notice how any male member showing disapproval gets slapped with a warning while every 10 year old loli tweentard is welcomed as one of their own.
More as it comes.
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